Post by seiko on Mar 11, 2009 18:42:58 GMT -5
This is a short story for school, and I just wanted your opinions on it. It can't be much or any longer, as I'm restricted to two hand written pages, but here's what I have so far. And yes, its horrid, but thats why I'm asking for your help. Based off WW1
Dear diary,
I’m not used to writing a diary like this, but I was told that it helped with the nerves. Not sure really what to write about. Still, I guess I’ll describe life here. In the trenches, life is hell. Rats, everywhere, in your food, crawling over you when you sleep. Never liked rats, certainly don’t now. Lice as well, their everywhere. You can’t get away from them. Still, there are some okay times. Its often wet, but you can find dry spots when you’re not on guard. Food’s not too hard to find, if you know who to talk to. James Summer, the lieutenants brother, has a knack for knowing where to find stuff, makes life bearable. Jacob Marshall, Jake for short, keeps up laughing, or groaning, depending on his mood, with his jokes. Michael Summers hardnosed fellow, but he keeps us whole, long as you listen to him. Our squad just got transferred here, to Passendale, not sure what’s going to happen. Word is we’ll be headed over the top soon. I hope not. Only my second week in the unit, I don’t want to die up there.
Dear diary,
The bombs haven’t stopped since the barrage started, guess the word was true. James said we don’t have anything to worry about, though I’m not sure. Least he got us those smokes he promised. Do wonders for your nerves. Jake refuses to smoke any, and its hard to stomach, but with this constant noise, you need something to take the edge off. Michael’s pacing, worried, apparently he’s not happy about the war, but Jake and James are trying to get him to calm down. He’s a good guy, he just tries too hard. Just today, he nearly made a private have a heart attack when he tackled him down. Trying to take a peek over the trench. Of course, the bullet whisking where his head served as a good reminder. Apparently Michael’s seen too many men’s eyes shot out due to their own curiosity.
Dear diary,
We went over the top today. A horrible mass of killing followed. I’m just lucky no blood splattered on this book. Amazingly, Michael James and Jake didn’t die, though I swore I saw one of their heads taken off by a machine gun. I killed ten men today. A horrible horrible feeling. One of those I bayoneted. I hate bayoneting. Its, so personal. I managed to kill a nest of them with a grenade, but…not before one of them managed to place a shot in the man next to me. He got sent home, shoulder wounded. Some men envy him. Me, I’d rather not know that pain. James right now is busy laughing at one of Jake’s better jokes, a rather funny one really, but Michael’s still pacing, seemingly worried. I just hope we don’t go over the top again. I don't think it'd end well.
Dear diary,
My hands are shaking as I write this. Its been, two weeks since my last entry, I’m sorry for not writing for so long, but, Life hasn’t been well for me. I should count my lucky stars that I’m still alive. James and Michael, well aren’t so lucky. It took us all by surprise. We were charging a trench, when all the sudden, a german popped out of the ground with a machine gun. Ripped right though our front ranks, and we were about to get slaughtered. Amazingly, though, Michael pulled out a grenade, and threw it, even though his left arm had been ripped off by machine gun fire, and killed the man. James had ran over, trying to reach his brothers body, when a sniper got him in the head. Just like that, he fell over. Dead. Then, when we were clearing out a trench, a seemingly dead German shot me in the foot, and got Jake in the arm. That was one of the most painful things in my life. I don’t remember a lot of that day after that, its mostly a haze of pain, but apparently, we managed to get back to our trench alive, and were sent here. I lost my foot. Jake lost his arm. Still, I guess we should be thankful for being alive. Still see James and Michael when I close my eyes. Hard to believe their gone. My family’s coming to pick me up, I’ll write more in a few days. Not really supposed to strain myself.
Dear diary,
I’m not used to writing a diary like this, but I was told that it helped with the nerves. Not sure really what to write about. Still, I guess I’ll describe life here. In the trenches, life is hell. Rats, everywhere, in your food, crawling over you when you sleep. Never liked rats, certainly don’t now. Lice as well, their everywhere. You can’t get away from them. Still, there are some okay times. Its often wet, but you can find dry spots when you’re not on guard. Food’s not too hard to find, if you know who to talk to. James Summer, the lieutenants brother, has a knack for knowing where to find stuff, makes life bearable. Jacob Marshall, Jake for short, keeps up laughing, or groaning, depending on his mood, with his jokes. Michael Summers hardnosed fellow, but he keeps us whole, long as you listen to him. Our squad just got transferred here, to Passendale, not sure what’s going to happen. Word is we’ll be headed over the top soon. I hope not. Only my second week in the unit, I don’t want to die up there.
Dear diary,
The bombs haven’t stopped since the barrage started, guess the word was true. James said we don’t have anything to worry about, though I’m not sure. Least he got us those smokes he promised. Do wonders for your nerves. Jake refuses to smoke any, and its hard to stomach, but with this constant noise, you need something to take the edge off. Michael’s pacing, worried, apparently he’s not happy about the war, but Jake and James are trying to get him to calm down. He’s a good guy, he just tries too hard. Just today, he nearly made a private have a heart attack when he tackled him down. Trying to take a peek over the trench. Of course, the bullet whisking where his head served as a good reminder. Apparently Michael’s seen too many men’s eyes shot out due to their own curiosity.
Dear diary,
We went over the top today. A horrible mass of killing followed. I’m just lucky no blood splattered on this book. Amazingly, Michael James and Jake didn’t die, though I swore I saw one of their heads taken off by a machine gun. I killed ten men today. A horrible horrible feeling. One of those I bayoneted. I hate bayoneting. Its, so personal. I managed to kill a nest of them with a grenade, but…not before one of them managed to place a shot in the man next to me. He got sent home, shoulder wounded. Some men envy him. Me, I’d rather not know that pain. James right now is busy laughing at one of Jake’s better jokes, a rather funny one really, but Michael’s still pacing, seemingly worried. I just hope we don’t go over the top again. I don't think it'd end well.
Dear diary,
My hands are shaking as I write this. Its been, two weeks since my last entry, I’m sorry for not writing for so long, but, Life hasn’t been well for me. I should count my lucky stars that I’m still alive. James and Michael, well aren’t so lucky. It took us all by surprise. We were charging a trench, when all the sudden, a german popped out of the ground with a machine gun. Ripped right though our front ranks, and we were about to get slaughtered. Amazingly, though, Michael pulled out a grenade, and threw it, even though his left arm had been ripped off by machine gun fire, and killed the man. James had ran over, trying to reach his brothers body, when a sniper got him in the head. Just like that, he fell over. Dead. Then, when we were clearing out a trench, a seemingly dead German shot me in the foot, and got Jake in the arm. That was one of the most painful things in my life. I don’t remember a lot of that day after that, its mostly a haze of pain, but apparently, we managed to get back to our trench alive, and were sent here. I lost my foot. Jake lost his arm. Still, I guess we should be thankful for being alive. Still see James and Michael when I close my eyes. Hard to believe their gone. My family’s coming to pick me up, I’ll write more in a few days. Not really supposed to strain myself.