Poem Edit Help

[xxphenomenonxx]

I need a little bit of advice. This is for my final portfolio in my creative writing class. The only thing my professor says he wants changed about it is the ending. And I agree with him. It seems cliche. I want to know what you guys think and/or suggest.

EDIT: Thank's guys for the help. xD Obviously I had to take down the poems so I could turn them in. <3 But thanks. I took all the suggestions to heart and it helped me out. I'm good now. xD I'll be turning in my portfolio today. Thanks buddies. ^^

[fangsofdarkness]

Hmmm, how about Life is our world? Or Our Life is everlasting? Or even, Life rules our world?

[lana2]

And never are we without Life
We always feel Life's presence
And Life's presence is everlasting
We always feel Life's touch
And Life is always intangibly with us

End the crappiness xD

[{K r a n k|-|P o P}]

ok buddy w/ anaphora::

As the sun rises and greets the sky,
As the trees dance in Wind’s embrace,
As the reflection hits water’s visage,
Giving and breathing, there is Life.

ok i lost creativity with out anaphora lol. Dx my brain aint workn' right now.
sorry if this dont help